just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
