i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
