I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
actually, I'm a sock model
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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