I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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