Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
