the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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