It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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