i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize