Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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