We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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