brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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