Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
