I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
