i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
