its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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