im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
