she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
