If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
