u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
