i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
