Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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