I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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