too bad you live with your parents still
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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