96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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