My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
