i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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