I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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