yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
