I'd wear matching sweaters with you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
never play flip cup with pint glasses
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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