last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
