my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
