I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
