I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
