im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
