I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
