it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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