I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
