just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize