You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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