Welp...herpes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
