you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
