i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
