the new term for farting is butt boxing.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
