I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
