I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You made out with two different species that night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
