Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
