Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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