Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
