just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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