I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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