i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize