I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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