its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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