it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
