You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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