Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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