I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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