If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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