I got chris browned last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
