My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
