On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
