I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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