the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
