the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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