that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We just shotgunned beers for America
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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