I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
